I have to admit that the last few days have been hard for me. I am going on week five of constant everyday joint pain and swelling. Last night, as Dan rushed around to help me get the kids bathed and to bed before he left for his 12 hour night shift, I just felt overwhelmed. I was frustrated that I was not able to just do it myself. That I didn't make Dan's lunch for him. That I just went to bed and the house was a mess because I was too tired and in too much pain to clean it up. Basically, after the kids were in bed and Dan was gone I just sat around and threw myself the biggest pity party.
Really in desperation I began praying that God would help me survive the days. I told Him that I was tired and hurting and not able to do the job that I thought He had assigned to me. Isn't this what He called me to do? Do be a mother and a wife? To take care of my family? How in the world am I even supposed to do that when five nights out of seven I am limping around the house? I was trying to cling to 2 Corinthians 12:9 which says, " 'I am all you need. I give you My loving-favor. My power works best in weak people.' I am happy to be weak and have troubles so I can have Christ's power in me." To be honest though, while I knew the truth I was just not feeling it. I ended up just going to bed feeling defeated.
As I was laying in bed trying (unsuccessfully) to go to sleep I believe that God gave me a thought. It felt like He said to me, "Heather, what HAVE I given you?" So while laying in bed I began listing all the things that God HAS given me.
1. Three children who are healthy and clever and joyful.
2. A wonderful husband who works a job that I know he doesn't love because it provides well for me and the kids.
3. Union insurance! Dan works at a job that gives us health benefits that we would not have anywhere else. I would have to work to pay for my health care if Dan had a different job.
4. I am able to stay at home with my children.
5. We have a roof over our heads, food on the table and the ability to buy things that we want and not just what we need.
Really I could go on and on about all the things that God has provided for me. I was reflecting on all those while I was driving the kids to school and it occurred to me that who am I to only expect good and to complain when troubles come along? Didn't God tell me that in this world I will have troubles? Didn't He then promise not to fear because He has overcome the world? I realized at that moment that it is all perspective. I have a choice. I can choose to continue to wallow (yes, I am wallowing) in my pain or I can remember that this is small compared to all the blessings that God has given to me. God can and will use me though it may not be in the way that I thought. He is all I need and I have His loving favor. And if His power works best in weak people...look out! God has some great work coming my way and I will be able to give Him all the glory.