Today has been a little rough in that Dan is gone to North Platte and I am here with the kids. Normally this was never that big of a deal. Sure, sometimes it was hard having him gone and being with the kids all the time but bed time was always around the corner:) Tonight though I feel like the reality of my diagnosis has hit me.
How can I be a good wife and mother if I can't clean my house, or make meals from scratch, or bake fabulous birthday cakes or go on school field trips? I am realizing that much...okay all my identity of what makes me a good wife to my husband and a good mother to my children is based off of these things I do. That is being slowly stripped from me and I feel a little lost as to who I am.
I was doing some research this evening and stumbled across an article about RA and parenting. This following paragraph was exactly the truth that I needed to hear.
"At the end of the day, being a good parent isn't about running down a hill or taking the stairs two at a time. Being a good parent is about unconditional love, patience, paying attention, talking to your children and teaching them how to become a kind, responsible human being. Becoming a role model who shows your kids that you can live with bad things and love and laugh anyway is a far better lesson than whether you can get the lid off the pickle jar. To your child, how your family works is normal and you are mommy or daddy, period. If a child has to crawl up on your lap themselves to get a hug instead of being lifted up, what's important about that moment is the hug, not how you got there."
I have some thinking that needs adjusted. I will be honest that changing a life long idea of what it means to be someone is not going to be easy. I think that it will take a lot of digging for God's wisdom and praying the right truths into my life. I know that changing my thinking will be a daily (probably multiple times a day) issue that I have to address and them lay at God's feet. I found this verse this evening at it occurred to me that this is the kind of wife and mother God wants me to be. God doesn't care if I serve my kids frozen waffles now instead of ones made from scratch but He does care if I teach my children about mercy. God does not care if the house is not picked up when Dan gets home from work but He does care if I show him kindness and gentleness. So here is the first truth that I found and will be praying into my life.
"Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience." Colossians 3:12